Sunday, August 12, 2012

Mixed Emotions

I went to a baby shower for a co-worker today. It was a lot of fun, but it was hard too. Hubby and I have been trying to have our own baby for almost two years now. The first year it wasn't so hard, but as the months continued to pass... Well, it just wasn't so easy anymore.

We are currently waiting for an appointment with the infertility clinic but even the wait for that is tough. A  girl I know recently got a letter with her appointment date. Her doctor put in her referral in April of this year and her appointment isn't until April 2013. My doctor sent in my referral in the fall but sent it to a doctor on sabbatical. It was resent in June and I've yet to hear anything. So frustrated!

It's hard. When I'm being rational about it I remind myself that God has a plan for me and He doesn't think now is the right time for us. When I'm being irrational or emotional I feel like a failure who's letting down my husband and my family.

We have done some research into adoption. We know what steps we need to take, but we aren't ready to take them yet. It doesn't feel right yet, but I'm not sure I'll be able to recognize the signs if it is the path God would have us choose. How do you know?

What I do know without a doubt is that I want to be "mommy" more than anything and that my husband will be an amazing "daddy." Some day.

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